They say, ‘It’s better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all’. The truth is, that old cliché sucks and people only use it when they have nothing better to say when a relationship goes to shit. ‘Having lost’ brings excruciating pain. It’s relentless and never ending. It’s time consuming. It eats away at you until there’s nothing left.
Sometimes I wonder if I should regret having loved Heather; if I should feel something besides the hatred that consumes me every day. I still don’t have an answer for that. I would like to believe that I am better for having known her, for having loved someone like her and having her love me in return. But I don’t know if the man I am now; this selfish, bitter, self-serving bastard was ever bettered by anyone or anything.
©Kelly Miles 2014